New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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