walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
