My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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