There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
