I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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