He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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