I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
