tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
