found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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