I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
