it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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