Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
