Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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