Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
