Whod you bang
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
