never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
