I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
