i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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