I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I supernannyed him into submission
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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