I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
