You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
