i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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