her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
