Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
