There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
