Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
