If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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