yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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