The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
