Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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