420 ftw
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
