If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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