Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
