I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
