I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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