so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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