fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
