if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
