I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
