I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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