at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
