I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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