im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
