I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
