Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
