Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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