My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
