she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
