seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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