So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
